The first half of the outreach funds were due on Monday this week. I didn't have them but I was believing that God would provide them, but then all the spots for the Thailand/Cambodia trip, which is the one that I'd thought God wanted me to go on, were all taken up so I decided that God must want me to go to So Cal. and Mexico instead. I'm actually stoked about that because if that's what God preferred then He'll be able to use me there way more than the other places. I didn't have all the money for that one either but on Tuesday God had someone place 300 dollars in my mailbox which helped me to pay off the first half of my outreach, $1000. However I am still in need of $800 to get the second half paid off, which isn't due til the end of this month. I know God will provide so I'm surprisingly at peace about the situation, though I'm definitely having to fight anxiety at times.
Also on Tuesday, as we do every Tuesday, we had some creative presentations presented by several of the students. The mediums used were songs or poetry, and as this is a musicians DTS that really brought out the not so hidden talents of the people in our group. I was absolutely blown away by the talent of the others in my class; I'm pretty sure I know several of the future's greatest musicians. These guys will have a huge effect on the culture in the next decade or so. They've definitely really inspired me to work more on that quality that I have: the love for music and the creation of new music.
As I said on the last post we talked about identity this last week (we were supposed to talk about the fear of the Lord as well but didn't get to that, to my disappointment; it was good nonetheless). The message all week long was essentially the same, just reiterated and expounded upon each day. The instructor was a man by the name Ralph Harris, a very funny man and passionate about the subject he teaches (I say that about all the instructors, I know, but it's always the case!)
The gist of the teaching was this: because of the cross, in which we were crucified WITH Christ, we are ALL made new, blameless, faultless, holy and righteous, without spot or blemish, and free from any accusation of sin. Now we all know this, every Sunday-school child is taught this from day one. However, what I never really associated with this truth is, well, that it's literal. It's not just God's opinion, it's actually God's opinion, His actual view of us. He's kinda God, yuh know, and therefore His opinion is more than just opinion, it's absolute truth. If God took all sin, past present and future, then that means I can't be stained by sin anymore. Jesus meant what He said when He proclaimed, "It is finished." I'm free from sin, I'm not bound by it anymore! However, at the same time, I'm not without sin. This doesn't mean that I am in some way, contradictory to what I just said, chained down by sin, but rather that, as Romans 7:15-20 says, there is a monster inside of me. It isn't my flesh necessarily, but it dwells in my flesh, as the writer of Romans implies when He says, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh." (v. 18a). The flesh is corrupted still by sin, but we no longer walk in the flesh, we walk by faith, by the Spirit of the living God who dwells in us!
This is something that, to some degree, I kinda knew in my head, but didn't properly apply to my life. The thing is when "I" commit sin it's no longer I who do it. God has remade me, I'm compatible with Him, and I hate sin and I don't ever want to do it anymore. Therefore, if I do sin it's not me who did it, it was sin that dwells in me. The beautiful thing about this realization is that it means that I ought not to be beating myself up when sin works through my "members." I went temporarily insane, if you will. I used to try so hard to get the "stain out of my shirt" by reading all the right passages and praying the right prayers but I don't have to do that, there isn't any stain there! Jesus already washed it away, His blood was sufficient. I don't need to use Tide-to-go to help Him out with some spots that He missed, He took care of it all! With that there was definitely a struggle in my mind to really accept all this.
Even though the teaching was done with much Biblical backing, in correct context may I add, there was one question I had that wasn't answered for me in the teaching. The question was, "then at what point am I accountable for what happens?" If I no longer sin but sin that dwells in me works through my members am I no longer responsible for anything I do? This sounds like greasy Grace to me, as well as a violation to the Biblical fact that we all have free will. So I prayed about it, went for walk around the pond by the base and sought the Lord for clarity. This is what I believe He told me: God holds the throne of our heart, it is the Holy of Holies, made perfect by the Son's blood. However there is also a throne of sorts in our mind, or our soul, whichever word you prefer. The soul is us, it makes up our personality, without it would all be exactly the same, therein lies free will, the ability to make decisions. Paul tells us that the Spirit and the flesh are in conflict with each other (Gal 5:17). I feel God told me the conflict is for the throne of our minds, and though we do not any longer sin, those of us who are in the Spirit (what precisely that means is between you and God), what we do, where we are accountable, is say yes to one or the other to take the throne in our soul, and from there we are guided by the one we've placed on that throne.
There are so many other aspects to this teaching that would take an entire book to really cover, not just this blog, but those of you back home who may be worrying about whether or not I've become Gnostic or not, I assure you that's not the case. What this teaching has done is given me yet a deeper realization of the truth that "His yoke is easy and His burden is light." It's opened me up to a more wholesome and open relationship with God because I realize that I seriously don't have to work at becoming more righteous! Christ has done all that! My focus has been taken off of taking care of sin issues and onto building and realizing the relationship with the God who lives in my heart.
To close out this blog I'd like to ask you all to continue praying for me and whatever God may have put on your heart to pray. Please pray for finances to come in for the outreach phase. Also pray that I'd continue to press forward, keep an open mind, and receive discernment to know what's God and what's not in the teachings: to eat the good and spit out the bones. Finally, pray that I would keep my eyes and my thoughts on Jesus and on others. Thank you all for reading, I love you all, whoever you are, and pray for you.
If you would like to support what God wants to do through me on my outreach, because it's about so much more than just me, here's the site to go to: http://www.ywamdenver.org/payments/?student=1
Finally, here's a bunch of random pictures, and yes, those are colored eggs in the last picture.
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